KISS MY A##!
I'm so fracking excited...
I got my first AMMYY scammer call today!
I do support for a hospital surgical wing. A rather large surgical wing, with many phones. I have been on this subreddit for almost a year now reading, and waiting... and finally, finally, I get a call!
It all begins rather innocuously...
A co-worker nervously approaches me with a phone in his hand, telling me it's "IT Solutions" and that they may have identified a problem with our system. I try to suppress my glee, and I pick up the phone and ask as confident/nervously as I can , "Hello?"
"Hi, this is 'x' (In the excitement I utterly forgot his name, though it sounded like Roger under a heavy Indian accent) from IT Solutions."
He then details to me that he is a representative of Microsoft, and per a service agreement for support he was concerned my computer may be at risk. Appalled, I ask how he can tell... and so it begins!
First, my computer needed to boot up again!
Then my friend asks me if he can get something to drink while it boots up, Roger agrees for a moment while I help my friend real quick as I call my friend a dumbass and show him where the stuff was in the garage.
It turns out that the "flag" key doesn't actually have the word "windows" on it, so it took a little bit for me to find it.
Holy crap, it opens the start menu! This is awesome, he must know his stuff! I proceed to compliment Roger for about a minute and ask him about all the other cool stuff the "flag" key can do. He just wants me to hit 'R,' which is cool but there's got to be a bunch more a tech like him can teach me!
It turns out emilyvictoremilynancytomvictorwhiskeyromeo is not the secret password.
'eventvwer' is dark and scary. He asks me if it looks like there are more than 50 records of cautions and errors. I took the time to count and be thorough. He was very patient.
At this point he gave me the entire speech about how these are failed system errors resulting from attacks, and it's very likely my system is at risk. I, again, nervously ask how he figured it out and he confidently told me his credentials and that he can walk me through it and it'll be safe again! Bless his heart, he's helping my clumsy typing and logical reasoning.
I fake my way through the website-in-the-run-menu part to a 404 error.
Well... that's not good, but Roger knows how to help! "Can you go to the Google?"
Well I'll be... I can! I CAN!
How do I clear the little G picture from the address bar?
Oh... I'll use the other bar, the google one right? Why isn't there a "google" key on my keyboard, the flag key was really awesome, I really hope Roger can teach me more about the flag key because that would be really cool to show my friends. Speaking of which, I need to help him for a sec because that dummy has a hard time remembering how to do other things. We were in Iraq together (not entirely untrue, actually) and he has a hard time remembering things now. I'm helping him make a snack, I'll be right back Roger!
Roger, I get that 404 error thing again. Oh, you're going to return to the queue of people who may be affected? (crap...) but you're putting me in touch with a supervisor after you put me on hold so he can help me? (hah!)
Roger2 is the Senior Supervisor. He sounds very important, yet once again I can't remember his name. His accent is markedly reduced in comparison to Roger1, but he's not using as many big words now. Maybe he thinks I messed up?
The next minute or so I spend apologizing profusely for taking him away from his duties.
He's going to get me set up so a technician can take a look and help me get through to the site! Awesome!
I remember those commercials, showmypc.com right? How do I get there? Google? OK!
Wait, I remember, wasn't I trying to go to Ammyy? Can I try that in google?
Um, Roger2, I'm worried. It says that Ammyy is a scam and that you're trying to take control of my computer. What's that? THE VIRUS HAS CHANGED THE GOOGLE RESULTS?! That's horrible! Who would do that!
There are some real low-lifes out there, Roger2. That's really crappy of them. I hope they all have horrible lives stealing people's stuff, living out of some shitty hovels, never knowing the touch of another human who might even deign to try and understand how they fell so low. I'm glad you share the sentiment, Roger2! You can help me! That's awesome!
Where were we? Oh yeah, showmypc.com It's taking a really long time, Roger2. I really appreciate how your techs are so thoughtful to help me out with this! What's this... another 404? I really wanted the help.
Oh it's too bad Roger2, but I don't think it's my internet.
I've recorded your call and forwarded your information to my security department, and filed a DD2015 (bullshit) Information Assurance report to the department of defense. You've called a federal installation for the United States Armed Forces and per regulation this call and information will be forwarded to US Federal Marshalls. I do IT support for this particular installation.
"I knew it, you liar! ;lakdghas;ldfkasd;fl 404./.jlkj;laksdf;lakd I knew you were IT. Do you know what 404 is? Do you?! I laksdf;laksdgha;lsdfaj 404 page."
"Of course I know what a 404 is."
"I knew it! I knew it! KISS MY ASS." click
TLDR: I had no idea my first one would be this special! 45 minutes of utter joy!
submitted by Bucky_Ohare